Where Do I Find These Guys?!

No mercy for what we're doing; No thought to even what we've done; We don't need to feel the sorrow; No remorse for the helpless one. ~ Metallica

So as mentioned, I am out there on a dating site that I check from time-to-time. These days, I can use the distraction from Ben (trying to NOT get sucked in to that one) and so I have been communicating with a seemingly nice guy through the dating site. I'll call this guy Bill.

Bill and I exchanged a few messages via the dating site and decided we'd meet for a drink. At this time, Bill offered up his personal email address for future interactions. The address included his full name and the name of where he works (e.g., BillSmith@workplace.com). So, I did what any smart girl would do in this day and age -- I Googled him.

Okay, so it turns out that Bill's name was frequently mentioned online. About six months ago, Bill and his WIFE were home with their SEVEN children when, unknown to their parents, the youngest two girls crawled upstairs, filled the tub with water, fell in, and drowned. How AWFUL.

Wife and remaining kids aside, let's just consider how difficult it would be to have to deal with the death of two kids. I'm thinking that getting on an online dating wouldn't be my first step towards recovery.

Yeah, Bill and I never had that drink. Even online, the GREAT ones find me. *sigh*

I Should NOT Have Called Him

Emotions come I don't know why. Cover up love's alibi. Call me on the line, call me call me any anytime. Call me oh my love. ~ Blondie

Called Ben this evening. I tend not to call guys after I've been out with them. Call me old-fashioned, but I feel like the guy should be doing the pursuing. I made an exception for Ben because a) I liked him (despite the fact that he just oozes trouble) and b) I'm going out of town for a few days and won't be easily accessible...I don't want him to try to call me and not be able to get in touch with me and think I'm not interested (okay...I'm starting to sound like an irrational fool already...not good).

In hindsight, I wish that I'd stuck to my original "let-him-call-me" philosophy, because the call did not go well. He answered his phone and informed me that he had just gotten home from his son's band recital. His son plays the drums and evidently had some fun hamming it up, giving the crowd devil horns. After giving me the quick (and I do mean *quick*) rundown of the recital, there was a brief (and kind of awkward) pause and he said, "okay, well I'm going to go and take a shower." Total brush-off. So I replied, "okay, well, it was great meeting you," and prepared to hang up. He quickly responded with "well, give me a call in a couple days so we can schedule date #2." WHAT?! I told him that I was heading out of town and he was like, "oh, well, give me a call anyway." Right...like I'm going to call some guy I just met while I'm on vacation. Okay.

And that was the extent of the conversation. Huh. Probably about five minutes. Totally awkward, but ending with an extension for "date #2." WTF? I can't decide if I will call him or not. My goal is to not think about it...but I inevitably will...because that is my problem. Guys who like me and are nice to me annoy the crap out of me. Guys who blow me off, I can't get enough of.

I know I should just walk away from this one. But will I? Hmm...

Red Flags All Around

So many fish there in the sea. I wanted you, you wanted me. That's just a phase, it's got to pass. I was a train moving too fast. ~ The Strokes

So this evening I had a first date with a guy -- let's call him Ben. Ben and I met online (yeah, I've got a profile out there...I don't tend to go on a lot of dates based on it, but every once and awhile, I'll give it a whirl). He and I had talked on the phone a few times previously and gotten along quite well. He's really, really funny. Problem was that, going in to the date, I had ZERO idea what Ben looked like. His photo on his profile remained "hidden," which maybe should have made me nervous (I was a little -- I mean, what if he had one eyebrow or something?) and a little suspicious (hiding something, perhaps? One red flag flies up.)

Anyway, we met up at a coffee shop to have a drink. He called me to let me know that he'd be the guy in the red tie. As soon as I walked in, I knew who he was...just sitting there with a cocky smirk on his face. He turned out to have two distinct eyebrows that sat perfectly above a pair of really pretty, light blue eyes. Cute. And in his work suit (did I mention that he is a Secret Service agent?), I'll give him that he looked pretty damn hot.

It was a quick meet-and-greet...just the right amount for a first date. I did get a little more info than I needed -- learned that Ben got married young after his girlfriend got pregnant. They were trying to "do the right thing." He was in the Marines at the time and at some point while he was stationed overseas, his loving wife became pregnant again. Oops. Double-oops in that she hadn't seen Ben in awhile...like in several months. I think he's still a little bitter that she cheated on him, but he assured me that this all happened over eight years ago and that he and his ex-wife are friends now. He lives down the street from her and her new hubbie (actually, the guy she cheated on Ben with) and her kids (including Ben's son). He sees his son all of the time. Okay...?

Red flags all around, right? Crap. Here's the problem. I liked him...he's cute, funny, and entertaining. He was fun to hang out with and is totally hilarious on the phone and we definitely had a connection -- chemistry and a strong attraction. That doesn't happen often for me. BUT he's got obvious baggage. I mean, who (angrily) brings up his cheating ex-wife on a first date? Hmm.

Also, I just get the vibe that he may be a bit of a player. A little too confident and sure of himself. Something is just...off. Unfortunately, I tend to like that in a guy.

Ben, I believe, is the kind of guy who will call you and be your best friend for a week, but then drop off the face of the Earth for a month, only to resurface ready to be your best friend again (usually without any explanation of where he's been or what (or who) he's been doing). I have a mixed level of tolerance for these kinds of guys. If they really are fun to be around, and I'm not doing anything else, no harm, no foul. The key is to expect NOTHING substantial in return...and the moment you start to feel attached, you've got to pull back or you will get burned.

I have a feeling that Ben will be a problem for me. A bit of a flame. We'll see.

He Gave Me a Pumpkin. Yes, a Pumpkin.

This is Halloween, everyone scream. Won't ya please make way for a very special guy...Our man Jack is king of the pumpkin patch. Everyone hail to the Pumpkin King now. ~ This Is Halloween, from A Nightmare Before Christmas

So last evening's date was with an attractive man whom I will call Matthew. Matthew and I met at a work-related happy hour...his work, I was tagging along with a friend whose boyfriend used to work at at the place that was hosting the event.

Matthew and I seemed to get along pretty well that evening, so decided to meet for a drink where it'd just be the two of us. I had high hopes for Matthew. He seemed so normal.

We met at a restaraunt/bar last evening. When I arrived, Matthew was already there. He greeted me at the entrance with a bright purple gift bag bursting with hot pink tissue paper. Obviously pleased with himself, he handed me the bag. It was really heavy. Hmmm.

The waitress took us to a table and we sat down. He anxiously asked if I was going to open the gift and I said okay, explaining that I didn't usually get gifts on a first date, so this was really sweet.

I rummaged through the tissue paper and pulled out...a pumpkin. Yes, a big, round, orange...pumpkin.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Does THAT Really Work?

Ooh boy, I'd love to help give enough rope to hang yourself, and watch the silly things you do. ~ Liz Phair

Okay, so I was walking to work this morning, as I always do. Today, I wore a super-cute black dress with my black-and-white polka dot platforms. And I was having a good hair day. When cute outfits and cute shoes happen to coincide with a good hair day, any girl is going to have a little extra strut in her walk. Looking good means feeling good...right?

Anyway, I was looking good, feeling good on my walk to work this morning. I got to the street corner and was standing, waiting for the light to change, when this pick-up truck with three guys in it pulls up next to me. One of them leans out and says, "So how much would it cost me to spend an evening with you?" Um...what?! Really? How exactly am I supposed to respond to THAT? "Normally I ask for $1,000 an hour, but for YOU big boy, I'll cut that down to $750"?

I just rolled my eyes (which were veiled behind admittedly ridiculously large -- but super-trendy -- sunglasses) and ignored him. The boys in the truck drove off laughing and I crossed the street and continued on to work.

But it did get me wondering...what is the point? At least one morning a week, I get honked or hollered at when I'm walking my dog. I should note that when I'm walking my dog first thing in the morning, I look like ASS. I've got my old, crooked glasses on, my hair is unbrushed, I'm wearing baggy, old clothes, and I'm barely awake. So really, why hoot and holler? Is it just to be funny? The "thrill" of it? Or do these guys really expect something to happen? Has it EVER worked? Has that guy in the truck ever asked that question of a girl and gotten a POSITIVE response (from someone who didn't happen to be a hooker)? Has a guy honking his horn at some girl walking down the street ever had her run desperately after him, arms flailing in an attempt to catch him and give him her number before he drives out of her life forever? I'm guessing...NO.

And for the guys out there, I can tell you that it generally is NOT a morale booster. When some dude honks at me, I don't feel all warmy and fuzzy and full of myself. I feel ANNOYED. Now, a guy who smiles and says HI when I'm walking down the street...that makes me feel good.

The hooting, hollering, honking tri-fecta makes me feel objectified and crabby. Things I could go without first thing in the morning.

What's Your Objective Here?

Was it ever worth it? Was there all that much to gain? Well we knew we'd missed the boat but we'd already missed the train. ~ Modest Mouse

Last night, I gave up my coveted Friday night to spend an evening with a man that I met in a coffee shop. I was buying myself a little afternoon kick-in-the-pants (aka, espresso) and he was in line behind me. We got to chatting, exchanged numbers, and when he called to ask me out, I said SURE! All of this, by the way, is pretty uncharacteristic for me...I tend to be in "the zone" when I'm out and about -- I'm in my own world and not paying attention to anything around me.

Anyway, we'll call this dude John. John was tall -- well over six feet (again, tall guys get bonus points with me). He had dark brown hair and deep green eyes. Pretty damn hot, actually. And, standing in line at the coffee shop, he seemed like a nice guy.

We met at a restaurant in Bethesda. He got there first (of course) and was able to snag an outside table. We ordered our (24-ounce) beers. And then sat in silence...for a l-o-n-g time.

Getting this guy to have a conversation was like pulling teeth. "Where are you from?" I'd ask. "California." "Where in California?" "San Diego." "How long have you been in DC?" "Six months." "Where were you before?" "South Carolina." "Where in South Carolina?" "Charleston." You get the point.

Over the course of two hours, I managed to drag out of him that he was a lawyer (no shortage of those in DC) but had spent many years in the Navy and had lived all over the world. He came from a big family -- four brothers, one sister. He had grown up in California. And that was about it. (Did I mention that it took me TWO hours to get this info?) The potential for him to be interesting was there -- I'm sure that he had experienced some great things. Too bad that he had the personality of a stick of wood.

As the date was (finally, thankfully) nearing its end, I'd given up on trying to keep a conversation going and was just enjoying the painfully awkward silence and cursing the waitress for taking so damn long to bring our change back. Then John looks at me and says, "So I had an okay time tonight." (Gee, thanks.) He continued with, "But I was wondering, what is your objective here?" Huh? My response was, "Huh?" To which he responded, "Your objective. What was your purpose or goal in meeting me here?"

I was a little shocked. In my entire life, I've never had a guy ask me what my "objective" was in going out with him. I wonder what he thought I'd say...to meet the man of my dreams, run off and get married, get laid? I mean, really?

I evaded giving any real response, jumped up from the table when our change arrived, thanked him for a nice evening, and raced to my car so that I could just go home because, at that point, my objective was to get the hell out of there and hope that I never hear from snooze-inducing John again. Sheesh.

Who Cares if I Worship the Devil?

Nobody wants anything I’ve got, which if fine because you’re made of everything I’m not. If you’re 555 then I’m 666. ~ Slipknot

I had a blind date last night with a guy whom I will call "Steve." Steve was described to me as being 6'1" (good...I'm not very tall, but I like to wear HIGH heels, so a tall guy is a good thing) with sandy blonde hair, bright blue eyes, and a huge, infectious smile complete with dimples (I LOVE dimples!) Sounds nice enough. But that was just his appearance. When the description got in to Steve's substance, it lost its glow a bit for me. Even though he was only 27 (a tad bit younger than me), I was told that the things he enjoyed most were tennis, chess, classical music, black and white movies and foreign films, and theater. Now, I'm not knocking any of these things -- I like all of them, too. However, to list them as your FAVORITE things? Is he 27 or 87? And could he be any more PREPPY?

So I'll be honest that I was a little skeptical about Steve heading in to the date.

Anyway, we met at a little tapas place downtown. I was, of course, running a little bit late, so when I arrived, he was already seated and had ordered himself a glass of wine. I spotted him from afar and thought, "hmm...not bad." He looked pretty attractive -- he was wearing a suit and I'm a sucker for a man in a suit. I headed over to the table and he stood up upon my approach. He was tall! Woohoo! But, as I got closer, he started to smile...revealing what had to have been the pointiest teeth I've ever seen. Seriously.

Have you ever seen the movie version of Stephen King's "IT"? Know Pennywise -- the clown? Yikes! I actually audibly gasped when I saw those choppers...each one...EACH one coming to a crisp, sharp point. Holy crap.

As we sat down, I did so carefully...one wrong move and he could seriously bite my arm off.

After I ordered a sangria and had a few sips while carefully trying (but failing miserably) to not stare aghast at the fangs of death, we started to chat. I learned that Steve was from a small town in Ohio that wasn't far from where I grew up, which gave us something to talk about (always a bonus). Steve was actually a lawyer for the Department of Homeland Security, so had a potentially interesting job...that he couldn't really talk about...except to complain about his boss. So I listened to that for a bit before steering the conversation towards one of my favorite topics...music.

I asked Steve if he was a music fan and his eyes lit up and he said YES! and began talking about the classical music society that he belonged to and some of the recent concerts the group had attended. Now, I like classical music -- it's not my FAVORITE, but I appreciate it and actually own my fair share and listen to it often. Plus, I always appreciate someone who is passionate about music, so as I listened to him go on and on about Bach and Beethoven, my fixation on his teeth began to fade and I started to think that maybe Steve wasn't such a bad guy. Then he asked me what kinds of music I listened to...and I answered.

I started off subtle and vague with my response -- "I like pretty much everything but rap." Then I started to drill down and reveal that at my core, I like heavy, hard rock. My favorites include bands such as Tool, Alice in Chains, Metallica, My Bloody Valentine, Rage Against the Machine, Slipknot, yadda yadda. As I rattled off MY favorites, his face started to pale. Odd. Then he said, in a very calm voice, "You really listen to that stuff?" And I enthusiastically replied YES! and continued naming bands such as Walls of Jericho, As I Lay Dying, Nine Inch Nails. He got a little paler and said, "That music is the devil's music. I can't date someone who worships the devil."

Umm...

I chugged what was left of my sangria and got up to leave, explaining that while that it was great meeting him, I was sorry, I had to run if I wanted to catch this evening's séance...I didn't want to be late because it was my turn to draw the pentagram on the floor in the virgin's blood.

Now, isn't dating just a hoot?

Getting Started...

...even in madness, I know you still believe. Paint me your canvas so I become what you could never be... ~ Shinedown

My name is Anna. At the ripe old age of 33, I live in a cozy (read it: small) apartment just outside of Washington, DC, with my aging dog and crazy cat. I've got a small, but close, group of friends, a great family, and a seemingly interesting job.

To the outside viewer, my life probably seems pretty swell. And really, overall, this is probably true. Things are good. I like me, people like me, people want to be me -- I'm happy. Oh, except for the fact that I remain one-hundred-and-fifty percent single. (Did I mention the "ripe old age of 33" part?)

Don't get me wrong. I've had my share of relationships and been involved with some great (and not-so-great) guys. But I just haven't met "the one."

Being single isn't necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes it is great. I'm responsible to no one but ME (oh, and my pets). I can go out and have a good time and not worry about getting in trouble for it (and I do that...a lot). Sometimes, though, being single sucks. It is especially sucky as I get older and more and more of my friends get married off and disappear into the world of couple-dom. And it sucks as people (the coupled and married ones and family members) start looking at me (a "lovely" single girl) and wondering "what's wrong" with me. It's enough to give a girl a complex. Or...drive her to become a crazy serial dater (like me).

Really, I don't think there's anything wrong with me. I'm smart, funny, successful. I've been told I'm attractive. I certainly don't have a difficult time meeting guys, they seem to love me -- from my long hair and bright blue eyes, to my a** (which, btw, fits nicely into a size 4 pair of jeans). I'm a classic girlie-girl...I love everything pink and anything with bows. On the flip side, I'm a total tomboy...I'm obsessed with fishing and I actually like watching sports and know something about what it is that I'm watching. I also own a 40" HDTV and an XBox 360 (w/ Grand Theft Auto 4 -- which, btw, I got carded when I bought).

So with me, guys get a trophy girl and a buddy...what more could they ask for? So what's the problem? Tune in and you'll find out. I think you'll see that being single has its ups and downs and dating and isn't easy. (Most of) the guys I've gone out with are great...but not for me. Good news here is that I remain optimistic and entertained by all of my experiences. And yes, they ARE entertaining. So get ready...I'll be sure to have a few dates lined up and will let y'all know how they go!