Red Flags All Around

So many fish there in the sea. I wanted you, you wanted me. That's just a phase, it's got to pass. I was a train moving too fast. ~ The Strokes

So this evening I had a first date with a guy -- let's call him Ben. Ben and I met online (yeah, I've got a profile out there...I don't tend to go on a lot of dates based on it, but every once and awhile, I'll give it a whirl). He and I had talked on the phone a few times previously and gotten along quite well. He's really, really funny. Problem was that, going in to the date, I had ZERO idea what Ben looked like. His photo on his profile remained "hidden," which maybe should have made me nervous (I was a little -- I mean, what if he had one eyebrow or something?) and a little suspicious (hiding something, perhaps? One red flag flies up.)

Anyway, we met up at a coffee shop to have a drink. He called me to let me know that he'd be the guy in the red tie. As soon as I walked in, I knew who he was...just sitting there with a cocky smirk on his face. He turned out to have two distinct eyebrows that sat perfectly above a pair of really pretty, light blue eyes. Cute. And in his work suit (did I mention that he is a Secret Service agent?), I'll give him that he looked pretty damn hot.

It was a quick meet-and-greet...just the right amount for a first date. I did get a little more info than I needed -- learned that Ben got married young after his girlfriend got pregnant. They were trying to "do the right thing." He was in the Marines at the time and at some point while he was stationed overseas, his loving wife became pregnant again. Oops. Double-oops in that she hadn't seen Ben in awhile...like in several months. I think he's still a little bitter that she cheated on him, but he assured me that this all happened over eight years ago and that he and his ex-wife are friends now. He lives down the street from her and her new hubbie (actually, the guy she cheated on Ben with) and her kids (including Ben's son). He sees his son all of the time. Okay...?

Red flags all around, right? Crap. Here's the problem. I liked him...he's cute, funny, and entertaining. He was fun to hang out with and is totally hilarious on the phone and we definitely had a connection -- chemistry and a strong attraction. That doesn't happen often for me. BUT he's got obvious baggage. I mean, who (angrily) brings up his cheating ex-wife on a first date? Hmm.

Also, I just get the vibe that he may be a bit of a player. A little too confident and sure of himself. Something is just...off. Unfortunately, I tend to like that in a guy.

Ben, I believe, is the kind of guy who will call you and be your best friend for a week, but then drop off the face of the Earth for a month, only to resurface ready to be your best friend again (usually without any explanation of where he's been or what (or who) he's been doing). I have a mixed level of tolerance for these kinds of guys. If they really are fun to be around, and I'm not doing anything else, no harm, no foul. The key is to expect NOTHING substantial in return...and the moment you start to feel attached, you've got to pull back or you will get burned.

I have a feeling that Ben will be a problem for me. A bit of a flame. We'll see.