So I think we all have at least one guy in our past whom, for whatever reason, totally got under our skin. Maybe it was a crush, a lover, or even a friend. But he held some power over us...made us behave in an irrational way that made no sense.
For me, that guy was Will. To this day, I have no idea what is was about this guy that got me so. We dated on and off for about seven months and then switched over to being friends (there is a lot of other history there -- the whole thing was pretty messed up).
The friend thing evidently didn’t work out so well...we hung out almost weekly for four months (he was teaching me guitar). At some point during this time, he started dating some girl...but never told me (I, on the other hand, was pretty open about my dating escapades -- obviously).
I finally found out about his girl when she found out about me...and she got really, really angry. They fought about me for almost two weeks. It seemed silly to me -- he and I were just friends...right? Why didn’t he just introduce us so she could see that there wasn’t anything to worry about? Instead, they made up and Will fell off the face of planet. This bothered me A LOT more than it should have (I think).
At that point, I really should have just deleted all references to Will, closed that door, and walked away. But I didn’t. And, as Will always seemed to do, he resurfaced. I did decide that if he wanted to talk to me, he had to make the first move. Surprise...he started calling me on a regular basis just to talk. He’s really funny, so our conversations were always great. No matter how crappy things seemed, Will always had a way of cheering me up. But, stuck to my guns and never initiated contact (yay, me).
Throughout all of this, Will was evidently still dating “the girl” and, while out on a cruise in October, he proposed to her. I found out about the proposal when I was on his band’s MySpace page...he didn’t own up. I was nothing but happy for him -- he was so worried that he'd never get married and would end up alone. But my genuine happiness for him was clouded by confusion...each time I asked Will how his love life was going (usually because he’d asked me first), he’d say something along the lines of “nowhere.” When I asked him how the cruise was, he said it wasn’t good and he didn’t want to talk about it. Um...?
On Christmas Eve, Will sent me a text that read “so the news is that im getting married in the fall and i should not talk to you anymore. take care of yourself.”
I was so flabbergasted that I never even responded. Part of me was like, “whatever” -- I’m better off without him anyway. Another part was hurt...I (perhaps foolishly) thought we were friends -- who dumps a friend via text (on Christmas Eve)? And another part of me was really angry -- like he took our friendship and made it something dirty and sinister. That text was the last Will interaction I've had.
So why the tale here? Why now? I don’t know. I really haven’t given Will much thought after the Christmas Eve text...I took a deep breath and moved along...or so I had thought.
However, for whatever reason, Will has been in my head the past two days...a lot. Not in a “I’m-pining-for-my-lost-love” kind of way (by fall, I really had fully moved Will over to the "friend bin")...more in a “what-the-hell-happened” kind of way.
Why did I ever care about a guy that cared so little about me? Or maybe he cared more than he let on...maybe that was the problem?
I don’t get it. And the worst part -- and why I think he’s in my head now -- is that I kind of miss Will...my FRIEND Will. And I know I shouldn’t. But it has me feeling a little bummed out.
I just wish the ghost of Will would go away. That would just make things easier.
How do you scare the ghosts away for good?
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My name is Anna. At the ripe old age of 33, I live in a cozy (read it: small) apartment in Washington, DC. Life is good and everyone seems to think I'm pretty darn perfect. Oh, except for the fact that I remain 150 percent single. I'm trying though, I really am. After a brief hiatus, I'm hitting the dating scene again. I go out on A LOT of dates. They are usually pretty damn funny. Join me for the ride...
1 comment:
I don't know how to scare him away! I have the same problems. Here is what happened to me recently and how I've decided to look at it (maybe this will help):
In middle school I was friends with this guy who loved GARBONZOS. We were friends. Then after high school he dated my friend and then he dated me at the same time and then he dated me and some other girl at the same time and suggested we have a threesome. I had to cut him out of my life and quit talking to him all together. It was hard because I had known Garbonzo since middle school and we had always just "clicked". But I did. I totally ignored him because he was slightly crazy and slightly emotionally abusive and I knew I had to get him out of my system.
That was 10 years ago. For the past 10 years he has been trying to get back into my good graces. And the past 10 years have helped me to wash away the pain of that whole experience and move on. I'd hear from him every now and again on facebook or myspace or he'd get my number somehow and call me. I think he wanted forgiveness.
In the meantime he quit using drugs, joined the military, got married and produced some offspring.
He said he had changed. I hope he has. I've forgiven him. I don't really want him in my life because he hurt me so bad but I enjoy getting updates from him even when he complains about his wife, etc.
And when I think of the whole thing now I can kinda think its funny. Of course he is going to lie to me and tell me he hates his wife, etc. He is a nutcase. And I can just focus on loving the kid I knew in middle school and choose to ignore all the painful stuff that happened between us.
But it took 10 years to get here. So good luck to you!
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