Monday, June 29, 2009

Am I Getting Old or Apathetic?

I've never seen you. You're someone I don't know. Are you just another boy that I met long ago? ~ The Go-Gos

So I was having lunch with a friend of mine today and was telling her about how I have a date coming up on Wednesday and I’m kind of excited about it. I met this guy kind of in passing, but he’s a DC firefighter/paramedic and…well…that is just hot. Plus, he seems interesting…he started out planning to play the cello for a living, but found that the life a concert cellist just didn’t suit him. So he became a (hot) firefighter. Nice.

Anyway, my friend was listening to me talk about this and said, “Well, it’s good that you have this date because it seems like you haven’t been out on any dates for awhile.” Hmm. “Not true,” I told her. “Actually, in the last six weeks or so, I’ve gone out with four different guys.” “Really?” she replied. “Yeah,” I said. “Like that one guy…um…”

And that is when it hit me. I couldn’t remember a single one of their names. One of them was two weeks ago. I can remember things about them, but details (like a name) – nope. She thought this was funny. Ha. Right. I can’t stop thinking about it...and nothing is coming back...and it really bothers me.

When did I become the type of person who is so...callous...that I can’t even remember the name of someone that I spent an evening with…two weeks ago? Am I...callous?

Now, it could be age (haha), but I think it is more of indifference...I've become desensitized to dating. Two of the guys, yeah, whatever. But the other two...one of them I went out with TWICE. I think maybe his name was Sean. Maybe? When last we parted, I think I said that I'd call him next because I was going out of town…oops. The other guy I wasn’t floored by, but we had a ton in common (I think)…yet, when he called me after our date, I…forgot…to call him back.

Maybe this is just a phase. But I don’t want to become a complete, serial dater who is surrounded by men that I neither know nor care about. That’s not me. And it feels…badly.

Of course, here's the twist. While all of this is going on, I’m currently fighting the urge to just give in and admit that I kind-of-sort-of-maybe have a thing (and maybe more than just a thing) for the guy that I’m writing a book for. The chemistry between us is intense and part of me thinks it is just a matter of time. He’s pushing for it a little, I’m not really resisting. But I don’t think it is a good thing…no good will come of that venture. Oh, but that’s a whole different story.