Monday, February 9, 2009

That Felt Kind of Crappy

Okay, so I never called Max back. And I know that sucks. Stringing someone along is always ten times worse than just being honest. So I just shot him an email. Yeah...I know, email was a wimpy way to go. But he and I had never had a phone conversation...why start now? I went with the traditional, "You are a really great guy, and I have enjoyed getting to know you; however, I just don't think that this is going to work out." Ouch? Hmm.

I didn't offer to be friends because although I could see myself being friends with Max, I know that isn't what he is looking for...it rarely works out anyhow (with someone you've only seen a few times, at least). And frankly, the friend offer can sometimes feel almost insulting...like a consolation prize -- "you can't date me, but by golly, you can be my friend." Gee, thanks.

I wonder why I just can't like a nice guy like Max? Oh well.

So that's done. And it actually felt kind of crappy.

I could really use some FUN male activity. Lately, I've been feeling like the Debbie-downer of the dating world. Come on boys -- help me out!! Sheesh.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Time to Let Him Down Easy...?

I'm still thinking about the whole Mike-Sara thing. It just bothers me...and not because I feel like some jilted girlfriend or something. Mike and I had never even gone out on a real date, and he can date as many women as he wants -- I don't judge that. Hell, I date multiple guys at the same time. Big deal. It is the fact that he was pursuing two women who were good friends...and now, at least for awhile, things will be weird between Sara and I and that sucks. It just does. AND, I think that "dating" a roommate is asking for trouble...it seems like a slippery line to have crossed, so now I have to worry about my friend, who is now "dating" someone that I don't like and that I think has questionable morals. Lovely. Well, at least it gives me something to write about.

Speaking of writing...on to the real reason for this post...

So continuing in the thread of all of my dating experiences, the guy I'm really NOT into seems to be pretty into me. This would be Max. We went out for dinner last week and I swear I've been trying to give this guy a chance. I really have. I went out with him THREE times. That is a lot for me...well, for me to go out with a guy I feel no chemistry with. Usually two dates is the maximum I can stand.

Last week's dinner was...fine. Actually, it was rather pleasant. The conversation was good -- we talked about out families, our jobs, even the dreaded topic of politics. We walked to the Metro together, got on the train, and then waved goodbye when we came to his stop (which was before mine). And that was it. It was fun. But not at all date-y.

Now, I'm not saying that he should have been all over me, but there are certain things that a guy can do to make a girl feel...special. Even a nice compliment, "you look nice this evening," "that color blue looks great on you," "I had a great time tonight." Or maybe an extra squeeze on the hug hello, or a lingering glance across the table. Something. While it is definitely possible to go overboard, little things like that set up some parameters that make you see the other person as more than a friend...make you feel like you are on a DATE. With Max, I get nothing, thus punting us into Friendland. I'm okay with that -- I can always use more friends. The problem? I don't think HE sees it that way.

This morning, I got a call from Max (he left a voicemail...I was still sleeping...at 9:30 on a Sunday morning, come on). He was calling to see if I wanted to catch a movie this evening and he was all excited because he had a car for the weekend (that's a city thing, btw), so could come and pick me up. Oh yippee!! (Okay, yes, that 'yippee' was bitchy.)

I'm not going to go. While I wouldn't mind hanging out with Max again, it just wouldn't be fair. I guess I could try the "I like you, but would rather just be friends with you," approach. But really, that never works. It just makes the other person feel stupid. I know because I've been on the receiving end (though not as often as I've been on the delivering end...hmm).

So now I'll have to call him and tell him I just can't. The question is...is it better to be honest and say "I'm just not feeling it" (in a nicer way, obviously) or to use some other excuse, such as "I just bought a house and am getting ready to move, things are going to be crazy for the next month or so" (which is actually totally true; however, for the right guy, I'd make time)?

Saturday, February 7, 2009

What's A Girl To Do?

Even if I let this settle, it'll lead to a little fight. Even when I get to meddling, I need to remember to remain polite. Oh well, what a letdown. ~ Barenaked Ladies

Well mystery solved. I just got off the phone with my friend ("Sara") who is rooming with Mike (remember Mike?) She called because she wanted to talk to me about "something." Mainly that she and Mike are dating. Uh...? So I guess that explains why he never called me back...because he was also pursuing (and dating and living with) my friend. Lovely.

Honestly, I'm not sure how to feel about all of this. On one hand, I now think Mike is an even bigger ass than I imagined was possible, so no real loss there. I mean, what decent guy pursues two girls who are friends? Seriously? Who does that? Jerk. And even if he wasn't "interested" in us at the exact same time, it would have been had to have been about ONE WEEK between when he asked me out and when he and Sara hooked up. Maybe even less time.

As for Sara, she "confessed" because we were out last weekend and I mentioned how Mike had asked me out, bagged on me, and then never called me again...and I was just going on about what typical guy behavior that was...guy hangs all over you one night, can't remember you the next, yadda yadda, blah blah. Oops. And, during the course of this same conversation, I asked her if she was dating anyone (and yes, I did ask). She said no, she didn't really have time to date because she is working full time and also going to school. So she LIED about it! Right to my face. That is disappointing.

Anyway, she was concerned that, now that she and Mike are "dating," it might hurt our friendship. Um. I don't know what to say to that. She swears she didn't know that he was talking to me and that I was interested in him. Now, I'll give her that she may not have known that he had asked me out, but to not know that there was some attraction stuff going on? Give me a break. She was on the pub crawl...when Mike and I were all over each other, holding hands, kissing, cuddling up on the Metro ride home. She was there!! And same thing with New Year's Eve...she was there! How could she not know?

Or maybe...how could I not know? Sara's boyfriend dumped her back in September and she had been having a rough time with it. The night of the pub crawl, well into the evening (after Mike and I had already coupled off and had had a few good make-out sessions on the dance floor -- which now grosses me out, btw), she and I popped in to the bathroom together. She starts going on and on about how great it has been to have Mike around since her break-up. So I said to Mike, "Sara seems to like you a lot," and he replied, "I like her too, she's a fun roommate." I even wondered enough to ask a mutual friend of our's a couple days later whether she thought anything was going on between Sara and Mike and she said no way. But...maybe I MISSED it. From what Sara told me, she and Mike started "dating" after New Year's, but if she was interested in him before that, should I have seen this coming?

Now, in the grand scheme of things...really, who cares? I'm not mad because I feel desperately hurt that the love of my life was stolen from me. I barely knew the guy (and he doesn't sound like a real catch anyhow). However, I do feel kind of let down by Sara. Or maybe I feel bad that I let Sara down...? Guys just shouldn't come between friends.

Ultimately, I blame Mike here. Even if he's not a player/asshole, he was the only one in this situation who really had all of the info. And he has now put Sara and I in an awkward position. Getting in the middle of two friends SUCKS. And gosh, if he just got lost in the throws of love, fine. He could have at least been HONEST about it. Instead, Sara has to make an awkward phone call after I make some random comment while out dancing with her and now I'm dreading having to hang out with my friend again. There is no way it will NOT be awkward, especially if Mike is there.

Guess I'll just hope that Sara and I can iron this out and I'll count myself lucky that I didn't get stuck with an ass like Mike (and hope that Sara finds someone better). Oh life just keeps getting more and more exciting!!