Creepy Stalker Alert!

You're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off you. Pardon the way that I stare. There's nothing else to compare. ~ Frankie Valli

Last night, I met up with some friends at good old Clarendon Ballroom in Arlington, Virginia, to catch a great cover band. I don't make it out to Arlington all that much, but when I do, it tends to be a pretty good time...or at least an entertaining time. Last night did not disappoint.

After hitting up the bar (first things first, a girl must have her priorities), my friends and I wiggle our way through the crowd to a decent spot on the dance floor. The band is playing Blink 182 (All the Small Things), I'm dancing, singing along, having a good old time...when suddenly I feel a hand on the small of my back. The dance floor is pretty crowded, so I don't really think anything of it...but then the hand returns...only this time with a little more purpose...someone is seriously rubbing my back. So I turn around and there is this dude who is literally like two people away from me, reaching around to touch my back. Uh...ew.

So I step a little bit away from him, keep dancing...and then the hand is there again. This time the guy is closer -- he's standing right behind me. Great. He leans over and says, "do you mind if I dance with you?" Do I mind? Hmm. Uh, yeah. Weirdo. So I reply, "oh, thanks, but I'm just going to dance with my friends." Wouldn't you take that as a NO? Well, he doesn't and instead grabs my waist and starts grinding on me. Um...dude. I stop dancing, look at him, and say, "um...dude." He just keeps dancing. So I switch places with one of my (guy) friends.

Swapping places keeps the guy from making physical contact with me, but then he starts just STARING at me. I even try to hide behind my friends and he will seriously lean AROUND them to get me in his line of sight. My (guy) friend actually says to me, "that guy is really odd...it's kind of creepy how he keeps looking at you." Yeah, no shit. And it isn't just that he is staring at me, every time he looks over, he smiles, chuckles, and shakes his head a little. Weird. Creepy, indeed.

Eventually, my friends and I just moved. Throughout the night, I was "lucky" enough to endure the advances of five other drunk and unappealing boys, but old creepy-google-eyes stood out the most.

And such is the life of Anna...all freaks, no normal boys. Welcome to my world.

Grab On!

"Duck, duck, duck...GOOSE!"

Okay, so today I headed over to Caribou for an afternoon pick-me-up (Campfire Mocha...mmm). In front of me in line was this guy wearing THE tightest jeans I think I've ever seen. Seriously, they weren't given the dude much breathing room, if you get my drift.

Anyway, as I was standing there, pretending to contemplate which fattening beverage I should buy (Campfire Mocha...mmm) while really trying not to stare at the man's tightly framed ass (it was actually a nice ass, btw), I was struck by a sudden urge to just reach down and grab his butt. I didn't, of course. But damn if I didn't really, really want to.

My ass-grabbing urge reminded me of an evening out with a friend of mine. Let's call her "Jen." On this particular evening, "Jen" and I headed to a trendy DC bar known as the Reef. For whatever reason, "Jen" seemed determined this evening to find me a man ("Jen" has a boyfriend of like 50 years, so she's off the market).

Throughout the course of the evening, "Jen" would grab the asses of various guys around the bar. The guys would turn around and look at her. And she'd point to me...like I did it...

What Is the Allure?

I fell off the track, now I can't go back. I'm not like that. Boys lie too much. Girls act too tough. Enough is enough. ~ The Strokes

Okay, so here's my question...why do I always seem the most drawn to the most inappropriate guys? No, really?

Last week I went out with a really, really NICE guy. We'll call him "Max." Our conversation was easy and relaxed. He's funny and cute and we have a ton in common. In fact, I joked with my friends later that I felt like I had been out on a date with myself...and let's face it, I am pretty fabulous, so that doesn't sound so bad (kidding). The difference? Max seems pretty much squeaky clean; I'm not. I definitely have a bit of a wild streak.

Why is this relevant? Because even though Max and I got along great, for me, there was really no attraction or spark. None. Nada. Zilch. And I kind of wonder if it is because he did just seem so...NICE and polite and...safe. I'm going out with him again next week, so maybe on our second night out he'll impress me. But I'm dubious. For me IT is usually there right away or not at all.

IT was there pretty much instantly for the "bad boys" in my life. The guys like Ben or Mike. Instant spark, instant trouble. These are the guys that I always seem to fall for...the ones who love you when you are standing in front of them, but forget you the moment you walk away. And it drives me NUTS! The guys who actually DO call me and act interested? Yeah, I could care less about them. But the Bens and the Mikes...the ones I know I should avoid...those are the guys I want to hear from more than anything. Maybe it is a challenge thing? Wanting something I can't or shouldn't have? Or is it an ego thing? Or maybe I feel like I need a partner in crime and the guys that are jerks seem like they have more potential? Seriously...what gives?

I just don't get it. I am, however, willing to give Max another chance...see if he surprises.

Regardless, I'm sure that the next time my cell phone rings, my heart will jump in anticipation and then sink with disappointment when I see that neither of my current bad boys are calling. Gosh, dating is so lame. If I wasn't such trouble, maybe I'd join a convent.

Upset Stomach, Heartburn...

"Nausea! Heartburn! Indigestion! Upset Stomach! Diarrheaaaa! Pepto-Bismol!" ~ Pepto commercial

Okay, so just before Christmas, one of my friends and her new roommate organized a "holiday pub crawl." It was a pretty big group of people that ended up going...about 18 of us all together. This was my first time meeting the roommate, whom I will call Mike.

Mike is a very personable, attractive guy who my friend found through Craigslist. They have been roomies for about three months now and one of my other friends had met Mike and told me that she wanted me to meet him because she thought Mike and I would hit it off. Seems she was right...kind of.

Well, on the pub crawl, Mike had brought along a sprig of mistletoe and as the evening wore on, Mike spent more and more time chasing me around with that damn sprig. At one point, he lost the mistletoe and then was grabbing me and pulling me under any Christmas decoration saying, "look, mistletoe," to which I'd say, "dude, that's not mistletoe," but we'd kiss anyway. We hit seven pubs and had a drink (or two) at each one, so everyone was pretty tipsy. I am not typically the type to be too cozy with a guy I have just met, but between the mistletoe and the beers and the fact that Mike seemed really great, well, there was some kissing.

The next morning, I had to drive up to my folks' place for the holiday (fun tip as an aside: don't do a pub crawl the night before a seven-hour drive...ow). Mike sent me a text saying that he hoped I was feeling okay and that I had a safe trip and he apologized if he came on a little strong the night before. I wrote back, said no worries -- it was fun. I threw my crap in my car and drove off for a week in Ohio without giving it much additional thought.

The day after Christmas, I got another text from Mike saying merry Christmas and asking me for my email. A couple of days later, I got an email inviting me to a New Year's party at Mike and my friend's place. Somewhere in there, I came down with a REALLY nasty cold and wasn't able to go to work on Monday and Tuesday. Tuesday, Mike called me -- I was in bed (sick), but he left me a voice mail checking to see that I'd gotten the email and to see if I was going to be able to make it to the NYE party. I sent him a text saying I was going to try to rally and make an appearance. On NYE day, I went to work for a half day and then came home and slept.

I headed over to the party around 9 pm and when I got there, there were several people there already. Mike came over and said hi and then we all milled around chatting with other folks. Eventually, everyone decided to move to a pub and so off we went. Once we got to the pub, Mike pretty much hung out next to me...only. We chatted and kept finding things that we had in common...things that I didn't find all that startling, but he seemed amazed by (like the fact that we both drink Guinness or liked to go camping). Over the course of the evening, Mike asked me if I wanted to go out on Saturday and I said sure. He also invited me to a standing happy hour that he hosts every Friday. However, both of these discussions took place during the middle of our time out, and we didn't talk about them again.

On New Year's day, I felt crappy and stayed in bed. Friday was my first day back to work after having been sick and it really knocked me out. I felt awful and was just exhausted. So I sent Mike a text saying that I was dead and didn't think that I was going to make it to happy hour, but that if the offer to do something on Saturday still stood, I was game. He quickly wrote back saying tomorrow sounded good. I said I'd call him in the afternoon. Good. I was actually really excited about getting to hang out with him out of the context of a holiday and just the two of us.

So today around 3 pm, I get a text from Mike saying "I just wanted to let u know that I'm not feeling too well, and that tonight might not be such a good idea...sorry." Hmm. So I called him right back. He said that his stomach was feeling a little upset and that while he "really wanted to go out," it probably was better for both of us if we didn't get together. Hmm. I said that was okay and that I was disappointed because I had been looking forward to seeing him, but I hoped he felt better soon. He replied that he had to go out and run some errands, he could pick up some Pepto-Bismol and see if that helped. Uh, no...I said he should really just try to rest.

Now...could he be feeling icky? Absolutely. But here's the reason that I think he just blew me off. He said that he hoped he hadn't ruined my evening and I said no worries and then he was like, "well, there's always next weekend," and I said, "Oh?" (totally opening it up for a more firm offer). And he said, "sure, we'll get together some other time." Totally noncommittal...a total brush off. Am I right? I don't know. Then, less than 10 minutes into the conversation, he said he was going to "get off here and go take care of some stuff." I could be completely wrong, but my gut tells me that I won't hear from Mike again. And that actually really bums me out...more than it should because I hardly know the guy.

And seriously, what happened in the three days that completely turned things around? Maybe nothing. Maybe I'm totally overreacting. Maybe I've just been blown off too many times in the past...past bad experiences are tainting this little one. I should give him the benefit of the doubt...right? After all, I canceled on him on Friday because I wasn't feeling well.

It is just that it always hurts to get rejected (and yes, that is kind of how this feels), but it is particularly frustrating coming from a guy who was pursuing ME. HE is the one who followed me around with the mistletoe, who invited me out for New Year's, and who asked me out for this evening. I didn't push any of this, yet I'm the one who feels lousy now because I'm sitting on my a** on a Saturday night.

And yeah, maybe he's feeling lousy, too. And who knows, maybe he'll surprise me and get in touch. But I doubt it. Gosh, I hate the fact that I feel like such a GIRL about all of this. So I'm just going to take a deep breath and tell myself that I'm being lame. Sometimes the simplest explanation is the real one.

But seriously, every false start feels just a little more disheartening. It's enough to make a girl just want to give up.