Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Where Do I Find These Guys?!

No mercy for what we're doing; No thought to even what we've done; We don't need to feel the sorrow; No remorse for the helpless one. ~ Metallica

So as mentioned, I am out there on a dating site that I check from time-to-time. These days, I can use the distraction from Ben (trying to NOT get sucked in to that one) and so I have been communicating with a seemingly nice guy through the dating site. I'll call this guy Bill.

Bill and I exchanged a few messages via the dating site and decided we'd meet for a drink. At this time, Bill offered up his personal email address for future interactions. The address included his full name and the name of where he works (e.g., BillSmith@workplace.com). So, I did what any smart girl would do in this day and age -- I Googled him.

Okay, so it turns out that Bill's name was frequently mentioned online. About six months ago, Bill and his WIFE were home with their SEVEN children when, unknown to their parents, the youngest two girls crawled upstairs, filled the tub with water, fell in, and drowned. How AWFUL.

Wife and remaining kids aside, let's just consider how difficult it would be to have to deal with the death of two kids. I'm thinking that getting on an online dating wouldn't be my first step towards recovery.

Yeah, Bill and I never had that drink. Even online, the GREAT ones find me. *sigh*

Sunday, December 7, 2008

I Should NOT Have Called Him

Emotions come I don't know why. Cover up love's alibi. Call me on the line, call me call me any anytime. Call me oh my love. ~ Blondie

Called Ben this evening. I tend not to call guys after I've been out with them. Call me old-fashioned, but I feel like the guy should be doing the pursuing. I made an exception for Ben because a) I liked him (despite the fact that he just oozes trouble) and b) I'm going out of town for a few days and won't be easily accessible...I don't want him to try to call me and not be able to get in touch with me and think I'm not interested (okay...I'm starting to sound like an irrational fool already...not good).

In hindsight, I wish that I'd stuck to my original "let-him-call-me" philosophy, because the call did not go well. He answered his phone and informed me that he had just gotten home from his son's band recital. His son plays the drums and evidently had some fun hamming it up, giving the crowd devil horns. After giving me the quick (and I do mean *quick*) rundown of the recital, there was a brief (and kind of awkward) pause and he said, "okay, well I'm going to go and take a shower." Total brush-off. So I replied, "okay, well, it was great meeting you," and prepared to hang up. He quickly responded with "well, give me a call in a couple days so we can schedule date #2." WHAT?! I told him that I was heading out of town and he was like, "oh, well, give me a call anyway." Right...like I'm going to call some guy I just met while I'm on vacation. Okay.

And that was the extent of the conversation. Huh. Probably about five minutes. Totally awkward, but ending with an extension for "date #2." WTF? I can't decide if I will call him or not. My goal is to not think about it...but I inevitably will...because that is my problem. Guys who like me and are nice to me annoy the crap out of me. Guys who blow me off, I can't get enough of.

I know I should just walk away from this one. But will I? Hmm...

Friday, December 5, 2008

Red Flags All Around

So many fish there in the sea. I wanted you, you wanted me. That's just a phase, it's got to pass. I was a train moving too fast. ~ The Strokes

So this evening I had a first date with a guy -- let's call him Ben. Ben and I met online (yeah, I've got a profile out there...I don't tend to go on a lot of dates based on it, but every once and awhile, I'll give it a whirl). He and I had talked on the phone a few times previously and gotten along quite well. He's really, really funny. Problem was that, going in to the date, I had ZERO idea what Ben looked like. His photo on his profile remained "hidden," which maybe should have made me nervous (I was a little -- I mean, what if he had one eyebrow or something?) and a little suspicious (hiding something, perhaps? One red flag flies up.)

Anyway, we met up at a coffee shop to have a drink. He called me to let me know that he'd be the guy in the red tie. As soon as I walked in, I knew who he was...just sitting there with a cocky smirk on his face. He turned out to have two distinct eyebrows that sat perfectly above a pair of really pretty, light blue eyes. Cute. And in his work suit (did I mention that he is a Secret Service agent?), I'll give him that he looked pretty damn hot.

It was a quick meet-and-greet...just the right amount for a first date. I did get a little more info than I needed -- learned that Ben got married young after his girlfriend got pregnant. They were trying to "do the right thing." He was in the Marines at the time and at some point while he was stationed overseas, his loving wife became pregnant again. Oops. Double-oops in that she hadn't seen Ben in awhile...like in several months. I think he's still a little bitter that she cheated on him, but he assured me that this all happened over eight years ago and that he and his ex-wife are friends now. He lives down the street from her and her new hubbie (actually, the guy she cheated on Ben with) and her kids (including Ben's son). He sees his son all of the time. Okay...?

Red flags all around, right? Crap. Here's the problem. I liked him...he's cute, funny, and entertaining. He was fun to hang out with and is totally hilarious on the phone and we definitely had a connection -- chemistry and a strong attraction. That doesn't happen often for me. BUT he's got obvious baggage. I mean, who (angrily) brings up his cheating ex-wife on a first date? Hmm.

Also, I just get the vibe that he may be a bit of a player. A little too confident and sure of himself. Something is just...off. Unfortunately, I tend to like that in a guy.

Ben, I believe, is the kind of guy who will call you and be your best friend for a week, but then drop off the face of the Earth for a month, only to resurface ready to be your best friend again (usually without any explanation of where he's been or what (or who) he's been doing). I have a mixed level of tolerance for these kinds of guys. If they really are fun to be around, and I'm not doing anything else, no harm, no foul. The key is to expect NOTHING substantial in return...and the moment you start to feel attached, you've got to pull back or you will get burned.

I have a feeling that Ben will be a problem for me. A bit of a flame. We'll see.